Dear Tell All: I'm a public employee, a liberal and a volunteer for Democrat Tom Barrett in the upcoming recall election. But here's my problem: I've been having sexual dreams about Gov. Scott Walker. Help!
I should mention that I'm happily married, with an attractive husband. In my waking life, I do not consider our extreme right-wing governor physically attractive. On the contrary, I recoil from the sight of him, with his politician's haircut and blank expression. During last year's protests at the Capitol, however, I woke up one morning from a dream in which the governor and I were...well, you know. It was hot, but it was also disturbing. I took an extra-long shower that morning to wash away the sensation.
I didn't tell my husband or my friends about the dream, because I didn't want to gross them out. I also didn't want them to think less of me. But since then, I've had two more such dreams. I finally fessed up, hoping to get some advice. First, why am I having sexual dreams about someone I can't stand and don't find attractive in the slightest? And second, how can I get my brain to stop playing this horrible trick on me?
Predictably, I've gotten no good advice - only groans, guffaws and dirty looks. Tell All, can you do better than that?
Dear Violated: Try this: Clip out the sexiest Tom Barrett photos you can find in newspapers or campaign literature. Scatter them around your house, and save the best one for the bedroom. Look at it every night before you go to sleep. With any luck, your subconscious will do the rest by supplying you with a more suitable sexual partner in your dreams.
That's the best I can do from the newspaper-advice-columnist perspective. If Scott Walker wins the recall election on June 5, I recommend seeking out a trained psychotherapist. I don't think it would be healthy for you to keep having sex with the governor until the 2014 election.