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Drunk Posts

If it doesn't fit anywhere else, it fits here

Re: Drunk Posts

Postby doppel » Mon Jan 14, 2013 12:34 pm

pjbogart wrote:I combed the World Wide Web in search of a picture that proved that Doppel was as douche, but this was all I came up with:

Image

I'm not even sure what that means, but the Motorhead t-shirt is pretty douchey. Is that you, Doppel?


Not sure. It could be. Unlikely though, as I'm not familiar with Motorhead.

Is this a picture of you Pj, smoking your first blunt?


Image
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Fri Jan 18, 2013 1:45 am

That Doppel just can't figure out the drunk posts thread, can he? Ok, if you're drunk, post. If you're not, don't. It's not really that hard to figure out.

While on my way to finding some alcohol for my drunk post, I caught a bit of Tom Hartmann tearing some moron a new asshole while he insisted that Thomas Jefferson was all about the Second Amendment protecting us from a tyrannical government. Dude's facts were so messed up he literally got turned around on every sentence. Where does this crap come from? I mean, people read something on some random blog and they repeat it as though it's confirmed fact without checking it out first? It would have been more humorous if it hadn't been on such a serious topic (gun control).

If I ever make it to 70 I'm going to sue the Surgeon General for telling me that cigarettes and alcohol would kill me. I mean, shit, I've spent a ton of cash in this slow-burn suicide attempt and my doctor is telling me I'm still relatively healthy! I got all excited about a sore on the side of my tongue thinking that I was finally going to check out and my dentist tells me that I've just been biting my tongue in my sleep. What a buzz-kill. Here I was thinking I could cash in my 401k and start drinking beer out of empty gallon milk containers and this asshole tells me I'm OK.

Anyone know where I can get some heroin?
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Bland » Fri Jan 18, 2013 2:21 am

pjbogart wrote:I got all excited about a sore on the side of my tongue thinking that I was finally going to check out and my dentist tells me that I've just been biting my tongue in my sleep.
Dentist shmentist...... what I wanna know is, what the fuck was up with my hygienist? I've had the same lady for 4 years but she moved to Colorado recently. So I get a new one last week and she tells me that, in the immortal words of Alice Cooper, "me teeth are OK but the gums have got to go." The thing is, I know how bad breath smells when you've got shitty gums. I've smelled it. It's horrible. So if my gums are so bad (and I have no reason to believe they ain't) I don't know why my hygeniest never mentioned it (isn't that her job?) but more importabntly, why the fuck hasn't any of my friends mentioned to me that my breath smells fucking terrible!? I mean presumably they didn't just go bad in the 6 months since my last cleaning. It must have been at least a year in the making as that's the last time the dentist actually did anything more than the cursory "hello I'm here and your teeth look fine" visit.
So for future reference........
Things I want you to tell me:
There is food in your beard
Your fly is open
You have a huge hunk of snot in your nose which is plainly visible
You never actually changed into a shirt and are still wearing pajama tops (this hasn't happened since Middle School but still, it will always be on my list)
Your girlfriend is cheating on you
You did not bring me to orgasm
The new recipe you just made sucks
and of course
Your breath smells like death

So thanks friends, for not having the common decency to say, "shit dude, brush your teeth or see a doctor"
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby DCB » Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:09 pm

pjbogart wrote:While on my way to finding some alcohol for my drunk post, I caught a bit of Tom Hartmann tearing some moron a new asshole while he insisted that Thomas Jefferson was all about the Second Amendment protecting us from a tyrannical government. Dude's facts were so messed up he literally got turned around on every sentence. Where does this crap come from? I mean, people read something on some random blog and they repeat it as though it's confirmed fact without checking it out first? It would have been more humorous if it hadn't been on such a serious topic (gun control).

Thom's a pretty knowledgeable guy:
The real reason the Second Amendment was ratified, and why it says "State" instead of "Country" (the Framers knew the difference - see the 10th Amendment), was to preserve the slave patrol militias in the southern states,

I guess that's just something on some random blog, so I'm not going to repeat it as if its a confirmed fact. But it makes more sense to me than anything the NRA-types have come up with.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby doppel » Sat Jan 19, 2013 9:12 am

pjbogart wrote:That Doppel just can't figure out the drunk posts thread, can he? Ok, if you're drunk, post. If you're not, don't. It's not really that hard to figure out.


Hey PJ, two questions. How come kurt w gets a pass and I don't? I know this is the drunk post thread and everything, but see if you can answer this question without using the word "douche". And was that a picture of you and a beginer's blunt or not?

(and thanks kurt w for the apparent olive branch, the double truth comment)
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:13 am

doppel wrote:Hey PJ, two questions. How come kurt w gets a pass and I don't? I know this is the drunk post thread and everything, but see if you can answer this question without using the word "douche". And was that a picture of you and a beginer's blunt or not?


Ok, this isn't really a proper drunk post because I only had a couple of beers but I'm tired and cold and want to go to bed, so my not-very-compromised state of mind will have to do under the circumstances. First off, I accept your challenge of responding without calling you a douche, though I would have to say that your rather silly picture of a kid smoking a cigar doesn't quite rise to the humor expectations of non-douches, but I suppose we'll let that slide.

In fact, that is not me smoking a blunt. I'm not sure if there's technically a difference between a cigar and a blunt, but my understanding is that blunts are typically smaller versions of cigars that are filled/cut with marijuana, and it's impossible to tell if this youngster is actually smoking marijuana, so I think I'd refer to that as a cigar, not a blunt. Admittedly, this is simply the opinion of a non-douche, so perhaps you have a different opinion.

Secondly, the reason that Kurt "gets a pass" is because he isn't a douche. Kurt posts information, sometimes entire threads filled with valuable facts which allow the rest of us to be better citizens. In contrast to myself, rather than intentionally throwing himself into the penalty box by dropping his gloves and breaking someone's nose, Kurt scores the goals. He's the star, I'm the brute. Without Kurt, I wouldn't win any games. Without me, Kurt would feel the need to spend more time responding to douches, which would prevent him from scoring as many goals. It's a symbiotic relationship, and you have a role too... you're the douche.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby doppel » Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:36 am

You appear uncapable of not using the word "douche". Is that what makes you, to use your words, "a non-douche"?
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Henry Vilas » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:08 am

doppel, I assume, is a clipped form of doppelgänger. But for whom is he the doppelgänger? I guess Dave Blaska.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Detritus » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:33 am

Henry Vilas wrote:doppel, I assume, is a clipped form of doppelgänger. But for whom is he the doppelgänger? I guess Dave Blaska.

We are all Dave Blaska now.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:35 am

Hey, it's Friday night, after midnight and you know what that means? I'm drunk! So, time for another installment of everyone's least favorite thread (particularly Doppel, who can't figure out how to post drunk).

I spent the bulk of the day thinking about "Beasts of the Southern Wild" after getting all weepy while watching it last night. The movie obviously had some climate change messages, clips of falling glaciers and the drowning of a bayou community, but I didn't spend much time thinking about polar bears, I was more struck by the imagery of poverty, people right here in America living in the squalor and hopelessness you might expect in a third world shanty-town.

But somehow, despite the squalor, the hopelessness seemed tempered. In the same vein as mountain men living off the land by hunting, fishing and farming for their sustenance, the folks of the bayou seemed to make something out of nothing. Granted, this was not a documentary, but the genuineness of the film made the characters so real, the trials and tribulations so personal. Through all of the suffering, there was also triumph. The sea provided their food, even as it swallowed their homes.

So I thought about people living off the grid, the economic damage of an entire population not participating in the economy, but the human triumph of finding a way to survive where the odds seemed stacked against them. It's shameful that we have citizens paying millions of dollars for a painting to place in their private collection while some Americans scrounge for their very survival. But in the end, we are all food for worms, and the Van Gogh is worth no more than a can of cat food, a meal for a cat, or a human if the conditions are ripe.

"Beasts of the Southern Wild" made me feel both very fortunate and insufficient simultaneously. The money that I spent on beer, cigarettes and food today alone would have been like a winning lottery ticket for a great number of Americans. I hardly noticed, and that makes me a lesser person.

A circuit court in Washington D.C. has declared that Obama's recess appointments to the NLRB violated constitutional principles. But executive and judicial appointments are approved by the Senate and Republicans filibuster everything that comes before them, bringing our entire government to a standstill. The Senate balked on any major changes to the filibuster today, but I'm wondering if the court decision will cause some Democrats to rethink their position. Perhaps executive and judicial branch nominations should be exempted from the filibuster, forcing an "up or down vote" as Republicans were fond of saying during the Bush administration.

Doppel, you're a douche.


Edited because I misspelled douche "dopple" instead of "doppel".
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Sun Jan 27, 2013 12:22 am

Finding a proper leader is difficult, but finding the wrong one is easy, like in 1814 when Chief Doppel of the Sioux Nation was attempting to use smoke signals to warn a neighboring tribe of approaching troops. He accidentally started his own hair on fire and in the process of trying to douse himself mistakenly sent his own tribe a message to surrender to what turned out to be a traveling group of Jehovah's Witnesses. After enduring what proved to be the longest four hours of their lives, the Sioux warriors eventually killed the Jehovah's Witnesses and renamed Doppel "Chief Acts-Like-a-Douche", forcing him to drag 300 pounds of pamphlets the remaining 200 miles to their winter camp, in case they needed the firewood.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Sun Feb 03, 2013 1:09 am

I put my iPod on shuffle today, surprisingly something I've never tried for more than a few songs. It was kind of a blast of memories, for some reason more powerful than listening to full albums, perhaps because my point of reference was changing so rapidly, from good times in high school to bad times in college to good times after college and back to bad times in high school. Music has a way of evoking memories of what was going on in your life when the music was current. It weaves a web of triumphs and regrets, taking you back to times you'd like to relive and times you wish you could forget.

As we age, I think our regrets kind of pile up on us, more so than our triumphs. Perhaps as we realize that our best years are behind us, we can't help but consider all of the what-ifs. Perhaps I could have worked through Jennifer's infidelity, or Stephanie's lack of sexual adventurism. All of the memories of times I stuck my foot in my mouth, what I wouldn't give for the wisdom of age in the body of a 20 year-old. I can never go back, and I'll never have the same opportunities.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:37 am

The Super Bowl was really looking like a dud, but the 49er's made a game of it in the end. It almost makes you wonder if such things are planned out... I mean, we're talking about a lot of money. Blowouts sell less pizza.

A prominent ex-navy seal was killed by someone he was trying to "help out" by taking him to a shooting range. Dangerousman probably knew him, but I've never heard of the dude. The alleged murderer was apparently suffering from PTSD, at least according to some accounts, so I guess the proper course of action in such a case is to take him to a shooting range with live ammunition so that he can pretend that he's killing stuff even if the stuff is only inanimate targets. He found some other targets more appealing, apparently.

Before you excoriate me for being an insensitive son-of-a-bitch (which I probably am) can you explain to me how people suffering from mental disorders benefit by pretending to kill stuff? Do people go to shooting ranges to hone their skills or to release their aggression? "Here you are, disturbed dude, here's a weapon loaded with live ammunition. Shoot whatever you like..."

Spellcheck doesn't like "lambast" but it has no problem with "excoriate". Strangely, it doesn't like "spellcheck" either. Perhaps that should be two words.

I thought that Doppel and I had reached a tentative truce, but after reading his ludicrous thread on whether the President actually skeet shoots, I've decided that he really is a douche. And not your run-of-the-mill stupid douche who wears his ignorance on his sleeve, but a dyed-in-the-wool douche who somehow turns his own intelligence into a liability.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You don't have to swing at every pitch. Pick your battles.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby doppel » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:33 am

Sorry to butt in on your buzz thread, but you're the one continuing on about me. My so called "ludicrous thread on whether the President actually skeet shoots" never once questioned if he shot at them. Or if that picture was posed. At one point, I did state that no skeets were harmed in the filming of that photo-op.(that was an attempt a humor, not funny I guess). Once again a pattern emerges. When the Amstels come out- "I must inform world-Doppel is douche". I thought you were making progress with your limted vocaulary. But alas. Better get some sleep now, there's work to do tomorrow. Sweet dreams(hope I'm in them). XXXOOO
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Mad Howler » Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:43 am

doppel wrote:Sorry to butt in on your buzz thread, but you're the one continuing on about me. My so called "ludicrous thread on whether the President actually skeet shoots" never once questioned if he shot at them. Or if that picture was posed. At one point, I did state that no skeets were harmed in the filming of that photo-op.(that was an attempt a humor, not funny I guess). Once again a pattern emerges. When the Amstels come out- "I must inform world-Doppel is douche". I thought you were making progress with your limted vocaulary. But alas. Better get some sleep now, there's work to do tomorrow. Sweet dreams(hope I'm in them). XXXOOO


It is unclear to me why sage advice has not been taken, and it is clear that my opinion is not required here. But I feel compelled to advance a moniker.

doucheus bagitus

This is a bad turn on my part and I could have deleted any of this, but I didn't. It seems like the whole world has gone crazy.
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